In the end, we’re all foster parents
By Richard Wagamese
Friends of ours are foster parents.
They’ve been doing this for years and in that time they’ve positively influenced a lot of young boys. Since we’ve been friends we’ve gotten to meet a handful of these kids and it’s always been a pleasure.
Being a former foster kid myself, I can identify with them. I remember precisely how it feels to move into someone else’s home and try to find a comfortable place for yourself and how much work it takes to get your feet under you so you can move. It’s never an easy thing.
My friends are getting older. They’re both in their sixties now and they can clearly see a time coming when they won’t be able to do this work anymore. Everyone outgrows child rearing and it’s no different with foster parents. They want to rest. They want to enjoy each other.
They’ve got three boys in their home now and all of them are under sixteen. They’re an emotional and a physical handful. They’re growing into their bodies and becoming men and along with that comes a host of changes and a hundred different ways of coping with them.
It’s actually kind of funny to watch. I find it funny because I remember so well how completely out of orbit I felt at that age. My body was different, my voice was different and then there were all those feelings. Throw in the idea of girls and my head was a mad house.
So when I’m around those guys I try to remember all that. I try to remember the fact that I could never for a moment forget that I was a foster kid. I try to remember how it felt to have to shop for a feeling of permanence and stability and how indecipherable grown-ups were.
So I laugh and joke with them. I play the clown and get them to laugh. I try to show them that grown-ups aren’t all boring, dull, uninventive and non-spontaneous. I try to show them that we can still be kids too – because I really needed that when I was them.
Kids trust what reflects them. If they can see themselves in you, they hear you, they pay attention to you, they’re not afraid of you. As grown-ups we need to remember that, because in the end, we’re all foster parents.
Richard Wagamese is Ojibway from Wabasemong First Nation in Northwestern Ontario. His latest book, Him Standing, is available in stores now. Trade Paperback ISBN 1459801768