‘Twas the night before Christmas
By Maurice Switzer
(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)
‘Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the House
not a creature was stirring,
not even a louse.
Andrew Scheer was demoted,
despite Tories who said
Harper’s replacement
“best thing since sliced bread”!
The Members were nestled
in their ridings back home
with gold-plated pensions,
and hot toddies with foam.
Justin, in his nightgown,
was with Sophie upstairs
stuffing kids’ stockings
with Lavalin shares.
When on the fourth floor
there arose such a racket
‘cause ex-Justice Jodie —
a move? — couldn’t hack it!
Parliamentary police
Speaker Rota implored:
“Use battering rams
to break down her door!”
Crowds started to gather,
cameras shooting their snaps,
a black limo appeared
sporting silver hubcaps.
The car door flies open
the driver steps out;
“It looks like Saint Perry!–
he’ll solve this, no doubt.”
“On Roger, on Ghislain!”
he yells to his crew,
“We’ve come to the rescue,
let’s see this thing through.”
They ran up the steps
of the old Centre Block
just then there rang out
ten chimes from the clock.
They were dressed in green tunics,
with crimson red caps,
and fringed buckskin vests
hanging down to their laps.
Their leader was plump.
With red cheeks, he looked merry;
the crowd had no doubt
they were seeing Saint Perry.
They set up a zip line
over to the next roof,
then the elves and Saint Perry
disappeared with a poof!
For a while, all was quiet,
not a sound, not a peep;
The people were worried:
“Is this challenge too steep?”
Then suddenly on the rooftop next door
pops up Saint Perry — crowd lets out a roar!
Beside him is Jodie, a grin on her face.
It is clear that she just wants to vacate this place.
They all zip line back over,
and speak to the crowd:
“I just want my sofa,”
Jodie yells, really loud.
“But now I must hustle
back home to B.C.,
where I hear that the chiefs
bought new chairs for me.”
They all piled in the Bronco,
as they drove out of sight:
“Merry Christmas, dear Justin,
and Mr. Rota – GOOD NIGHT!”